Saturday, December 30, 2006

New Year's Resolutions - December 30, 2006

There seems to be an attempt at the start of the New Year to resolve to be different. To change oneself into something better. My friend Josh wrote this huge list of things he is resolving, and there are several on his list that I could rightfully put on mine. I guess I am afraid of writing down everything I need to work on. This year, more than any time in my life, has been filled with change. These changes have made it glaringly apparent that I need to change my outlook on life and on myself.

I put myself down all the time. Sometimes without thinking about it. I have an orchestra of insults that I use to describe myself, and I downplay my talents and strengths. I don't know why I do this nor how to stop it. I can stop saying them out loud I suppose, but what to quiet the thoughts I have?

I bought a book recently that is supposed to help me work out some of my issues.

Monday, December 25, 2006

It Was Quite A Beautiful Christmas - December 25, 2006

The day started off cold. I guess I forgot to turn on the heater during the night. I had promised my sons that as soon as they woke up they could open their presents, but they had to wake me up first. There was a loud, "boom, boom, boom," at my door. My older son Micael was calling to me. "Momma, wake up!" I don't think he has ever knocked quite so loudly. So, I rush out of bed because I was just as excited as they are at the prospect of Christmas presents.

As soon as I get my house dress on and open the door, the boys shoot down the hall to the living room. I sit on the couch and watch as they decide which gift to open. I was nervous that they would not like their gifts.

Several gifts later, I watch them gravitate to the gifts they like most. Funny enough, they play with all of them. They have the puppets on their fingers as they play with the cars their Dad bought them, and they wanted me to set up the puppet theater so they could see it. They loved their movies. Micael had wanted the animated "Star Wars: Clone Wars" and Eleazar had wanted the "Shark Boy and Lava Girl."

We watched the Star Wars cartoon first. All the while, they are looking around at their presents. (They even put on the new jeans their Dad bought them.)

As I write this post, it has been 4 hours since they opened their gifts, and they are still happily playing. I feel content and happy that they got a Christmas they will remember and be happy about.

*smile*

Monday, December 18, 2006

Amidst Paper Mountains

I am quite sick at the moment. I have not been truly sick like this for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I get tummy-aches and generally feel awful, but what I am feeling now is an overall miserableness. I have a fever, my head hurts, my throat feels swollen, the tip of my nose is rubbed raw because I have been blowing it so much. I left work early so I could rest a bit.

[In an interesting side-note, I am so congested that when I blew my nose, air popped out of the side of my eye and fogged the inside of my glasses. That has happened twice now. Yes, gross, I know.]

This brought to mind a nice memory. I used to have huge tonsils that would act up several times a year. I would get so very sick with throat pain and fever. Yes, this memory is a nice one. Bear with me. I had been dating my ex-husband for a couple of months and we still had not kissed. Remember, I was only 13 at the time. Well, he had never seen me get sick with tonsillitis before. I was in the daybed that was in our living room, and he was looking down at me, putting a wet cloth on my forehead. Then he leans down and kisses me. Mind you, I was miserable and could not breathe with my mouth, but it was still a wonderful experience. My first kiss was stolen when I was too sick to resist it.

I got mad afterward. I wanted my first kiss to be romantic or at least when I was more conscious. But it was a touching moment nonetheless.

*sigh*