Showing posts from 2008

The fount of words has dried and all that's left is punctuation . . . .

Several times a week I read technical reports. I review them for consistency, readability, punctuation, and grammar. I have also been reading a lot of fiction. Thrillers and suspense novels have climbed into the car with me to be devoured on a plate of pillows and pajamas. If I am given a string of words, I can make them sound better and give insight as to how to improve it. But the words I want to come forth from my hands and mind are not there. I used to write frequently and with such affection for the process, but the facility is gone. Is this truly writer's block or am I just not equipped to be a true writer. Perhaps I am meant to be an editor forever.

In Business

I have taken measures to get my business on the right footing. I have contacted some attorneys I used to work for to see if they can help me create standardized contracts and agreements for the graphic and website design services I will be offering. My website is still being worked on, but I am excited about it. My old attempt languished because I did not give it the time it deserved. Here's to success!

Being at Peace

My mind has been constantly thinking about writing something on my blog. I read a particular news article and consider its blogworthiness--often resolving to write about it as soon as I get home. However, my train of thought gets derailed, and I once again leave my blog outdated. As such, I will write about myself. Recently, I have had some losses in my life. They have been difficult, but I am not destroyed. A year ago, these losses would have devastated me, and I realized that I am much healthier emotionally than I have ever been. It is not all my doing. I have the support group that I lacked before. I have friends. I have acquaintances. I have routine. So with this post, I will say thank you to the friends who have made me this less fragile woman. I send my love, gratitude, warmth, and extend my support whenever you shall need it.

The Future of Robotics

Ever since I picked up my first Isaac Asimov novel, I have been fascinated with robotics and what they could mean to the future of humanity. ( has a very concise description of the field and its evolution) What always struck me in my pursual of this topic was that robots were always slated to be of service to man. For example, the Robot Institute of America defines a robot as a programmable, multi-functional manipulator designed to move material, parts, tools, or specialized devices, through variable programmed motions, for the performance of a variety of tasks. Like Asimov, I thought they could be so much more -- human. When I started my education in the computer science field, my ultimate goal was to become an artificial intelligence/robotics engineer. The ethical dilemmas and concerns presented by Asimov in his novels, particularly in his Law of Robotics, heightened the interest and enthusiasm I felt when following the advancement of robotics. My interest was
These photos were from a trip I took to San Francisco in November 2007. It was a lovely place to be. Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR .

May I Have This Dance - Entry for April 6, 2008

we two-step across the floor in unpracticed synchronicity traveling into a strange land arms moving up even stranger torsos madly wild kisses strewn on the face of today's love as we dance to the victory of youth we care not about bills and mortgages like our aging parents or about time-clocks and whistles urging the tired to their starting marks or for others the sagging walk home we are at the cusp of those things and the stench of it is close enough to make us recoil but not enough to scare us out of each other's arms

I Appreciate The Irony of this Blog - March 29, 2007

The bad thing about rediscovering myself and being single is that I have been thinking far too much about myself lately. I turn the most simple of conversations into an exploration into "Vanessa." Is that not a symptom of the decline of our civilization? When one thinks about themselves over the needs of others, does that not spell disaster for the collective well-being of the world? These kinds of questions shuffle through my brain, along with more selfish concerns. I feel much like a child--wondering who will care for me, love me, hug me, hold me, talk to me, and entertain me. I wept in the shower this morning because I felt so alone. I should be worried about more global concerns, but those self-indulgent tears were comforting. When I think about how I was before the ex, I was pretty much on auto pilot. I worried over the daily things, like the children, bills, chores, paying the mortgage; my insides largely ignored. I did not evaluate my marriage in terms of my happiness

Beginning Again

On blogger again.

Waking Up

She lay in her bed waiting. Her long hair artfully splayed across the pillow - dark curls ringletting themselves in upturned hands. Each shallow breath seemed a shout in the quiet of the house; each shift of her legs like a siren. Still she waited patiently as the dark bedroom changed shifts and the shadows gave their coveted nooks and crannies to the light. She heard her mother's bedroom door opening and listened as her delicate feet padded to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and lunch for her step father. The low murmurs wafted to the room- carried by the scent of chorizo and eggs. When the back door closed and her stepfather's car was heard leaving, her heart raced. Her legs and feet quivered in anticipation. Such joy filled her heart. Her mother entered her bedroom and awoke everyone for school. But still the girl did not move. Her brother and little sister groggily went to get their clothes and use the restroom. Her mother was game today. "Voy hacer las camas.&qu

Update on this Stranger Called Vanessa - Entry for March 14, 2008

The New Place and Job I have been living a completely different life since I moved. The stress level that I felt before the move has all but evaporated. I no longer have the 3-4 hour daily commute, and I get home with plenty of time to help with homework, play with, eat dinner with, and bathe my boys. My furniture has been put in storage. That was a bittersweet moment because I worked so hard to buy it. My commute is actually 12-30 minutes now. My new employer and colleagues are great! I feel so appreciated here and have a lot to offer their office. They want me to redesign the website, the internal site, and to implement new procedures to streamline their projects. As the Project Coordinator, I set the pace in how projects get processed. It’s an exciting feeling. Aunt My aunt has facilitated my new move greatly. She cares for me and for my children as though we were her children. I have never felt so cared for in my life. I fear displeasing her and making her not love me anymore –

Keep on Trucking -- Entry for February 12, 2008

As some of you know, I am making another move in my life. I have taken a job in Orange County and will be starting there on February 25th. It was not a decision I made lightly, but one that had to be made so that I could have more time with my sons. Commuting 3-4 hours every day was difficult on them and myself. I have been making a lot of moves in the last year, but I think that my life is finally getting on the track that I want it to be. There are times that I despair and think that I made the wrong choices; that I would have been happier if I was still in Bakersfield, in my own home, and doing the things I used to before. I would right now be working on the newsletters that had to get out this month, and I would be working on the website. In one hour, I would be going out to lunch with either Ed, Hector, Clare, Nina, or Nancy, and I would be driving home at 5 to pick up my older son from school, and the little one from his babysitter. But then I think about the past 7 months,

Everyone Needs to Eat -- Entry for January 29, 2008

My siblings and I grew up in relative poverty. We often moved with our parents to various migrant camps and housing so they could pick whatever vegetable or fruit was ready for harvesting. We lived in places that had outhouses and no indoor plumbing, and others that were miles from the nearest city. It would be easy for me to romanticize this period of my life, but it was not romantic. It was hard. We finally stopped moving when I was in 3rd grade. Despite our limited means, we rarely knew hunger. My mother is a very resourceful woman. While we were migrants, we had the fields of vegetables to eat,and when we lived in rural places like the northern border of Washington state, my stepfather would hunt for live game. When we settled down in Santa Maria, CA, my mother changed tactics. When we did not have enough money to buy groceries, we would wake up before dawn to search for cans. I can remember those mornings and her starting up the Ford Ranchero so clearly. There is a different fe

Homelessness in America - Entry for January 23, 2008

Homelessness is a social problem that needs to be fixed -- not only to help the homeless individuals and families involved, but to reduce the strain they pose to our cities and charity providers. Although there are several reasons why people become homeless and stay that way, it is up to society to take action and reduce the numbers of homeless people in America and enable people to get rehabilitated so that they do not become homeless again. Currently, a large part of the homeless problem is that people are not aware that there is a homeless problem and so do nothing to help or stop homelessness. They assume that homeless people are homeless because they do not care about getting a job and solving their problems, and many times, this is not the case. Without society being aware of the homeless problem, they will not be able to influence those in politics and in local governments to enact change. What is Homelessness? Most people think that homeless people are bums and panhandlers. W