Showing posts from March, 2009

Too Much

I think too much, my darling Every second is consumed With musings and conjecture Every hour passes a sentence On my lascivious heart I feel too much, my darling The ups and downs of your every smile Move my emotions as deftly as a puppeteer Anesthetize my soul with a kiss Quiet my conscience with sweet whispers Reach your arms around me, darling Hold me close for I fear so many things Only the warmth of your embrace keeps me sane Only the power of your eyes makes me forget All the reasons why this shouldn't be Reach your arms around me, darling Patch the holes of my psyche Don't let go, love, I don't know how long I have before I crack again

On Living On My Own

It has been a year . . .

since I moved in with my aunt and grandmother. My time there has alternated between being the best times of my life to ones filled with stress and worry.

Friendship - Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. The Best Loved Poems of the American People (1936)


I had every step of Thornburg memorized from my house on Alvin all the way past Fesler, down to Cypress. I'd go down this street to go to junior high, to church, to my beloved library. I'd fallen on it (and scraped my knee pretty badly), hit a truck while riding my bike, gazed at cute, unattainable neighbor boys, and made friends with its inhabitants. As I grew older, Thornburg was where I strolled with my first love and where he stole his first kiss on my cheek. It was a street that featured in my dreams and nightmares long after I moved away from my hometown. And though I wasn't much of an adventurer, this was a street that I could travel with complete ease because I knew what was around every corner. But this post isn't necessarily about Thornburg. Thornburg was the way that I went to another hallowed part of my child hood: Veteran's Memorial Park. I have a lot of stories to say about that place from my childhood to my teenage days. When I was 5, my

Cameo Appearances


Tonight I undergo a sleep study for sleep apnea. According to the literature, a technician will attach a multitude of electrodes to various parts of my body. During the first 3-4 hours, they will record my normal sleep patterns. The technologist will tally how many "events" occur. Then if I meet the criteria, I will be placed on a CPAP device, which is a mask that goes over my nose and around my head. It is a device that acts like a splint to keep my airways open. I am apprehensive, but it seems like an interesting experience. Overall, my health has been improving and I feel like things are changing inside my body. I've lost a total of 21 lbs from my heaviest weight, and a total of 11 lbs since the beginning of this year. It is not rapid weight loss, but I think it is an enduring loss, so I have cause to be proud. I am using a website to track my daily calories. I eat what I like, but I am more conscious of portion size and variety. My diabetes has not retu

Friendship, Friendship, Such a Perfect Blendship

Spanning back to my first diaries, there are countless references in my writing regarding friends and my lack thereof. From gradeschool, I yearned to have more friends but never quite knew how to get them or what to do when I had them. Every new school year I would vow to make more friends; I would be more outgoing and more enjoyable to be around. And every year the first days of school would pass and I would again retreat into my world of books. As I got older and more isolated, I found that most of my friends were made online, which I considered a very safe environment, or they were coworkers. I would second-guess my ability to deal with other human beings. Things are so different now. I have friends in the tangible world. When I go to karaoke, people greet me by name, give me hugs, rave about my singing, and ask me if I will be there again. Do you know how long I have waited for people to say those things to me? It is so amazing. Last night I was invited to join a gr