Thursday, August 20, 2009

Karaoke Bar - A poem

While souls sing of
Their dreams once forgotten
Eyes flash across the throngs
And alight on desire
Music cascades down
Mounds of flesh
And pools in the thighs
Parted in dance
Smiles are illuminated
By the red lights overhead
Flaws erased by the darkness
And the burning of spirits
The echo of billiards
Landing in pockets
Empty of tithing money
Reverberates in the lulls
Hymns to the gods of leisure
While discordant voices
Sing away the night
Not mother's lullaby
But comforting nonetheless

1 comment:

  1. There's a lot of concrete imagery in the poem, which sometimes I think is detrimental to the medium. It's also unusual that it's a modern setting like a Karaoke bar. Usually, if people do write poetry about 'modern' things, it's humorous, like dirty limericks or something. But you actually tried to take it seriously and apply a poetic sensibility to a contemporary and rather pedestrian locale. It's a little rough around the edges, but I liked it overall. I'd say make it longer, but it might lose something by doing that. Usually with your poems, you like to embellish your images, really let them bask in the light. This one's stark and brief by comparison.

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