Thursday, May 26, 2011

Happiness


A couple of people lately have commented on how lucky and how good my life is.  I don't disagree with them in sentiment.  I AM lucky and my life IS good, but it is simply a matter of outlook.  I choose to be happy with what I have, and put in hard work to have everything else.

1.   Job. I have a great job, but I work long hours and work my butt off to accomplish everything expected of me.  I am salaried, so even though I worked almost 8 hours overtime last week, I'm not getting any more money for it. It doesn't matter that I'm often the last one out of the office.   I don't care because I am proud of the quality of my work.  It shows, and THAT's why I continue to have this great job.

2.  Money. Great job aside, I still live paycheck to paycheck.  Some months are easier than others. I have hospital bills, student loans, loans I took out while I was in that hospital, car loan, insurance, rent, etc. etc.  I know the reasons WHY I live paycheck to paycheck, and I'm making every effort to get out of this hole I dug for myself.  I don't sit around saying my life is awful. When I'm not working for my employer, I'm doing my freelance graphic design.

3.  Fiance.  My fiance Jarrod is an amazing man.  Good relationships take work. I dated off and on for a few years after my divorce and had a lot of disappointing relationships. But Jarrod was worth the wait.  I am not perfect, but neither is he.  We accept our imperfections and think we are still perfect for each other.  Even when we have disagreements and the rare fight.  We never let it affect how we feel for each other.

4.  Children.  Children are HARD WORK. My boys are awesome.  But they don't wake up every day being the awesome kids I know they can be.  They have me, as their mother, making sure that they do what they need to do.  That means praise, but it also means consequences for wrong actions. It means sending them to bed early when warranted. It means being disappointed, but starting over and trying a new way. It means feeling guilty for not knowing exactly how to raise a child with special needs.   It means meetings at schools. It's not just breezing in the door after working a long day and having two perfect automatons who never need discipline.  And now I have three future step kids thrown in the mix.  We aren't the Brady bunch.  It takes work, constant reassurance, and many family meetings to make sure both sets of kids feel loved, appreciated, and attended to.  But it is WORTH EVERY SECOND!

5.  Happiness.  I am happy because I choose to be happy.  I smile when things make me glad.  I share those smiles with the people that I love.  I tell my friends and my family how much they mean to me.  I still have fears and insecurities. I still stay up late at night working on my budget or my freelance gigs to make sure my family and my kids don't go without.  I'm still working on my weight.  I'm deathly afraid that my back pain will return.  I still have a bleeding disorder. I still have thyroid disease.  But I don't let it get me down. I don't mope about it. I refuse to accept that life never gets better.

Life is gorgeous. Life is beautiful. Life is happiness. Choose to live that way no matter whatever obstacles are in your way.