Monday, January 9, 2012

New Beginnings

I haven't posted anything in a long time. I stopped writing blog posts after I wrote Grandma Jewell's funeral program.  It seems I didn't have much to give.  From the outside in, she was my step grandmother.   She opened her home and her heart to this little curly haired imp when my mother met my step dad Bill when I was two years old.  I didn't get to know her until I was an adult, but she came to mean so much to me.   She advised me when I was going through my divorce. She insisted I deserved better. She lent me money when I felt I had no where to go.  I worked hard not to break her trust.  In 2008, I moved in with her and my Aunt Tina.  I lived with her for more than a year and a half before she passed away.  She told me so many stories about growing up and her views on thing. Her life was a great adventure.

She passed away at the height of my struggle with back pain.  I wasn't there when she needed me.  My visits were infrequent. I had two herniated discs, in physical therapy, with no relief in sight. I was also severely overweight.  I didn't realize I would take her death so hard or that I would feel so guilty. Up until that point, no one I was close to  had died.  My grandfather Manuel passed away in 2009, but we were never close.  Her loss was poignant.  I decided to take a trip to New York City to have an adventure like she did.  It was wonderful, but my pain still consumed my energies.  

In August 2010, I had my back surgery.  My weight loss and surgery have made the pain go away, but my writing never resumed. 

I think about her and how she would have been proud of me.  She was always proud of me, but I know it hurt her to see me overweight.  She would have loved my husband.  She was wickedly clever and so is Jarrod.  They would have been like peas in a pod. I'm sure of it. She would probably make a naughty joke about me finally "getting some." *smiles*

Life has been turbulent these past few months and years, but so exciting.  There have been trials, but my heart is filled with joy and love for my family and friends.   I owe it to my Grandma Jewell and to my family to be half the vibrant woman she was. 

1 comment:

  1. I love you so much. Glad to see you posting your thoughts again. Because you do have a lot to give. :)

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